Expanding the Dictionary

Ooh ooh! I’ve discovered a new phenomenon that needs a name! It is a new pet peeve that is driving me nuts. A couple days ago I saw a guy talking to himself. Poor guy I thought, must be crazy or something, which is weird because he is oddly well dressed for a crazy person. Then he turns around and low and behold he has a mechanical leech hanging off the side of his face like so:



I have a hard time with cell phones as it is, they are arguably the only kind of tech I really have a problem with. I get why they are convenient and all that, I just feel that generally people abuse it, and we are really starting to lose our sense of what is important or not. I guess I just feel they should be reserved for emergencies, and not to talk to one friend on the phone while another sits across from you when you are out for lunch. I once saw a couple in a restaurant, each talking on their phone the whole time and not to each other! Is it just me or is that just dumb?
These little headset thingies do alleviate my fears about people who talk on their cell while they drive, but they have the enormous downside of making you look stupid while you do it. If a person can’t see the headset you look like you are talking to yourself. I suppose you could argue that in time society will get used to it and that we will eventually assume someone is talking on a headset but this has an enormous drawback. Namely that is does not take into account that it robs me of my ability to tell if someone is actually crazy or not! I need to know if someone is simply talking on a phone or channeling hell and all its demons. There is a big difference between arranging lunch, and hurling your lunch as your head turns around in unnatural ways.
I digress… In thinking of a name for these folks there was one name that came to mind:



Uhuras. Makes sense in a very obvious way. Lt. Uhura of the enterprise used nearly identical means of communication. However this presents somewhat of a dilemma, Uhura is actually smart, and uses the device for very important federation business. Seldom would Uhura be caught calling her boyfriend on the company line. Nope, she would be receiving incoming calls from Klingons and Romulans and such. Plus there is also the problem that she is kind of attractive and I really don’t want any real positive spin on this peeve of mine.
That said, I have come up with something similar that suits my needs just fine. Where Star Trek fails, Star Wars provides. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you:



LOBOTS! That’s right, that guy on cloud city who hung out with Lando who had no dialogue other than making eye contact with Ol’ Billy Dee. He qualifies because of the rather obvious high-tech Mr. Weatherbee doohickey (interesting sidebar. I typed in doohickey with one “o” and spellcheck fixed it. Go figure.) around his head with which he can talk to his friends and listen to Barry Manilow to his hearts content, you can tell he is a Manilow fan by the fact that he looks like he raided his wardrobe. I had the action figure for this guy and he had these billowy sleeves, you can just see him standing in the open air of cloud city imagining Leonardo DiCaprio’s hands about his waist, sleeves billowing in the breeze… all the while talking to an Ugnaught about the ridiculous conditions in the SFMC (Science Fiction Minor Character) union. * sigh * So from here on out let folks with things other than fingers stuck in their ears be called Lobots!