You can’t go home again…

    CLBI choir is here this week. We have a few billets and the show is starting in a few minutes. I am not sure what I thought I would see when we welcomed them here this week. In some ways it is above and beyond my experience as I never attended with this many people. I suppose I was hoping for that sense of nostalgia, that sense of comeraderie from being an alumni. I didn't expect much mind you, just a touch of what used to be. Yeah, that's just not going to happen. Not to slam the kids or anything, they are just living life the way they live it and that's good, and I suspect (in fact I know) that we were much the same way on choir tour. Visiting churches, meeting people, doin the billet thing with occasionally strange results. I guess what is bothering me a bit is that I am now officially an unequivocally cut off from a place I once called home. The friends are still in my life, and I still communicate with many of them but that part of us that was once tied together by CLBI has been excised out of me, and I can only speak for myself. I have fond memories of my time there for sure, but that is all they have been for a shockingly long time now.

    I think part of what I am realizing is that I did it on purpose. I did a lot of growing at CLBI, I credit that experience, the people the buildings the time spent the classes, all built me into who I am and I am glad to be me. But I have always liked being a shadow, and at the same time lamenting it. I haven't been back to my old school in a great many years, I have even been in Camrose and not stopped by and part of what bugs me about that is that I honestly have no reason why. I would love to say it was intentional because then I would have an explanation but I don't. Is there something about that I find hurtful, difficult to remember? I have no idea, like not even an inkling and that is a little frustrating.

    Anyway, so they are here, and they are their own group. They don't know me and I don't know them. Strangers with common experience, me too distant to appreciate where they are, they too blissful and unaware (this is a good and healthy thing) to really care. I am looking forward to the show. They have worked hard and I can't wait to hear the Gospel message.