Muffin Pants

Citizens of the world unite!!!! There is a crisis upon us that exceeds anything heretofor (<---wicked word) seen in the history of mankind. This horrific trend threatens to rend the very fabric of reality asunder or at the very least the fabric of clothes that no longer fit. That's right, I am talking about the current fad of women wearing clothes that don't fit.
Most teenage girls seem to have forgotten that there is an entire other department in the store for their clothing needs beyond that of the children's section. This is the only explanation I can come up with although I am sure there are more. I do know that it can't possibly be because they think it is cool (I mean cool in the hip and trendy sense, not in the "man I'm cold sense" because in those clothes they would have to be.) Just because Christina Aguilera, Britney, Jessica, and whoever else dress like they got poured into their clothes and missed doesn't mean young women have to follow suit. I remember an episode of Degrassi in which Stephanie, I think her name was, brought clothes to school to change into that bared her midriff and that sort of thing. I don't think hiding it is the name of the game any more. It is distrubing trend that bothers the heck out of me. I am not asking for covering from neck to ankle, nor am I a prude, but if we don't teach modesty when they are young when are they going to learn it. Ah, but were it only young women!
It would seem that lately older women are reluctant to move over from Reitman's to Additon-Elle. This has led to a trend that until recently I did not have a name for. It seems more and more these days, women who were probably skinny when they were younger are under the misconception that they are still skinny and this is simply not the case. I would like to think that they are simply unable to buy more pants and therefore forced to wear old ones, but this is dashed by the fact that these same women wear short shirts that bear their midriffs and make it plainly obvious that those pants went on with a prybar, some sort of lubricant, and a whole lot of love. This leads to sort of an... outpouring of extra flab which has nowhere to go but up and over which as hard to describe until I heard them called MUFFIN PANTS. This is the term used to describe these pants, or I guess really it describs the person wearing them because let's face it, those pants fit someone on this earth, just not them. There are people starving in the world, and while they could not eat the pants, the pants would probably fit them so at least they would be hungry and fashionable and spare us from having to see women walking around like a living ad for Tim Horton's. I really don't think they are trying to make me think of baked goods when they dress like that, but hey better that than what they want me to think right?
Thus endeth the rant.... and the people said, "Yeah, that'll work."