One month

I had a thought this morning to which I had a strange reaction. On July 18^th it will be one month until our baby is due. One month. I have learned by now that due dates are a bit of a best guess thing, that they can arrive late, or early, or anything in between. You can try and make be logical about it (Candace was two weeks early, I two weeks late = baby on time?) but that just isn't how it works. The truth is the baby will get here when it gets here. I know that in my head but my heart is doing some funny things. It's like I cant wrap my head around it or something.

I know it isn't bad feelings, I have wanted to be a father for a long time. Now that it is really happening I am through the roof excited which makes it very hard to wait. I am told this too is normal. I have been able to feel the baby moving a lot. Candace placed my hand on her belly the other day and I was blown away, I could distinctly feel a heel and ball of a little foot. Our baby is a dancing machine it would seem. I speculate it will be a long baby as it seems to need to stretch its legs a lot, this speaks hopefully towards getting the Craig gene in the height department which is awesome. It is so amazing and at the same time so weird to be attached and detached simultaneously. I can feel our baby moving, I know its there and yet I have no idea what to call it, whether it is a by or a girl. These are things we could have found out but both of believe it is right to wait. I think I just understand why one might not a little better.

The other side of it is the growing apprehension as to what is about to happen to our lives. Amidst all the excitement and thrill of being new parents is a bit of a sense that a meteor is heading towards Earth and we only have a short time before life as we know it is wiped out. I say that tongue in cheek but it isn't too far off from how I feel I think. I find it endlessly pissy and annoying that people feel the need to tell us how much sleep we will lose or how we will never have clean clothes again as apparently babies are in need of an exorcist out of the womb lest they spew shit and vomit all over us 24/7. I GET IT. I know being a parent is different than anything I have done before but seriously come up with something a little more original than, "Sleep now… you'll need it!" Really?!? Why !?! Oh I see, that is you clever way of telling me babies don't sleep much… really?!? Wow I am sure glad you told me in such a humorous and original way that doesn't sound at all like you resent your own children. It is my personal goal to never… EVER say that to someone. In fact, the people who said that crap to me before are going to be told we are a fresh as a daisy, even if the truth is our baby has not only been awake but breathing fire and talking about the breaking of the seventh seal. "Really? You guys lost sleep, ours doesn't do that, you must have gotten a dud. Our child sleep through the night and shits marshmallows." End of spontaneous rant.

My point in the above paragraph was going to be this. It is like looking forward to something that feels slightly scary which is a strange feeling indeed. Candace and I are intelligent people, and yet I have a feeling neither of us will feel more dumb than when we are trying to learn how to be parents. It's a rite of passage I suppose, something families go through. Both sets of our parents did a great job of raising Candace and I, its just a little different when its your kid. I am so excited about meeting this little gift of God, about holding them (wish I could know him or her now…) on my chest, holding them as they fall asleep, singing lullabyes to them, reading books over and over again, playing whatever crazy role their imagination comes up with. I am going to be a Father, and I couldn't be more scared. I am going to be a Father, and I couldn't be more elated.