Evil Organization determined to rule the world... wait that's COBRA

The Girl Guides are a bunch of jerks. Sure they help young girls gain a lot of self esteem and learn all kinds of useful skills, but why oh why must they sell such delicious cookies? The chocolatey mint variety are particularly addicting, I suspect they are laced with crack cocaine as I feel the compulsion, nay the NEED to eat a whole box in one sitting. I raise a fist at this organization and shake with a vibrating sugar high fueled vigourousness that if not seen to will have me vibrating through solid walls (this would be very cool, but you see my point I hope). They are 4 bucks a box now which goes to show there has to be some illegal substance in there although I am assured they are a “fund raiser”. It occurs to me that maybe they are laced with crack but possibly weed and that eating them causes the munchies and therefore you eat more of them in a never ending cycle. Those girls are dastardly I tell you. It also doesn’t help that my secretary has been a leader for years and has become my official dealer. I took one box on the promise of paying her back but I know the next one will have to be paid for up front (and likely at an inflated rate ;) ) or she’ll break my legs.
I admit it… I am a Girl Guide Cookie junkie.