So... the reason I haven't been blogging... I have been sick, not sneezy, stuffed up, got the flu sick. Gagging everyday, sometimes throwing up because I have lived with Chronic Acid Reflux for too long and it has messed me up. I haven't blogged because I don't feel like it, I am doing a lot of searching right now because in His wisdom God has given me time to reflect because my doctor determined I needed to take a month off of work.
Why? You might ask. Well, Christmas Eve I had to leave during the service for ten minuted while I lost my supper due to gagging I couldn't stop. I came back to preach (at first I thought I was being macho and just using willpower to get through it, now I realize it was total idiocy). Since then I have been to the hospital because once when I was gagging there was some blood, that one time happened to be Sunday morning a week and a half ago and I was unable to take the services, and that messed me up a bit.
I have truly hated admitting that I am actually sick, that I cannot do what I love to do for a time but it is a necessity right now, and I am appreciating the time God has given me to think. I love what I do but the truth is I wasn't keeping a close eye on my own health and I have to figure out why I was so stupid as to let it get to this point. It wasn't the congregation, or the pressure they put on me, I put the pressure on myself. All work comes with certain stresses, Pastors have a unique job in that we really can regulate how much stress we deal with, but too often we push ourselves into burnout in order to bear some twisted badge of honour that we broke ourselves for God's kingdom when what He really wants is for us to serve a lifelong vocation in which we feel blessed by the gift that ministry really is. I am NOT burnt out, but I have been given a wake up call to snap out of it and grow, and I am praying that this will be a chance to grow into a better, more balanced, more loving Pastor, more loving of my people, more loving of my wife, more loving ultimately of myself.
I will start posting again when I am feeling a little more up to snuff, when my humour has returned a little more, it is coming back now more and more. Thanks for reading, talk to you soon.
6 comments:
Too bad to hear about the illness.
Self-care is one of the new mantra's at the seminary... I am sure you aren't the only pastor that has gotten a job related illness.
I will keep you in my prayers...i have no idea how pastors do it...i was a junior youth leader (sorta leader in training) and i had to back down due to ulcers and a emotional break down. I couldnt imagine having a whole church.
I hope that through this God will show you something really deep...i always had to remember that if your cup is empty you cant give anything out.
God bless
ps--- sorry for not reconizing you in shoppers i had gone two days without sleep...Will you forgive me?
Take care. As Erik mentioned self-care is big around the sem these days. Unfortunately lots of talk and not always lots of models of it! Hope you find this enforced time off restful & rejuvenating.
Peace to you Andrew. good to realize you are pushing yourself too hard before the burnout comes.
Blessings,
Anno
Hey Andrew...it's been awhile since I've checked your blog so I just read this morning (Feb 12) that you are not well. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Candace at this time.
It is amazing the stuff pastors and their families deal with on a daily basis. Stress is such a distructive thing for us to deal with.
I personally know how stressful that life can be from the wife's perspective. I have suffered tremendously from depression over the years. It never ceases to amaze me how Satan loves to attack Christ's church -- especially her leaders. It is upsetting to me to watch Satan use Christians to do his dirty work. Why does it seem it is always the extremely faithful men in the ministry suffer the most? And those who just let things go without ever a word don't seem to suffer from a lot of health/mental illnesses. Satan is a cunning snake.
Take heart, oh faithful Andrew. The God of peace which passes all understanding is with you and Candace during this time. I pray for your quick recovery so that you may return to your faithful work as a preacher in His Kingdom.
Peace be with you.
Becky
Hey dude,
It's tough to admit you're sick. It's embarassing to go to doctors. It's way easier to be cool and ignore it and hope it goes away. So by finally confronting this thing head-on, you've already fought most of the battle, I think. Though it might sound an odd thing to say under these circumstances, congratulations on getting this far. I hope you get to have lots of delicious relaxation and thinking time to get you the rest of the way. You guys will definitely pull through.
We'll be pulling for you, too.
Lots of Saskie love to you both!
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