The English language needs your help

Yes, yes, I know it has been a while. However, I have returned with a challenge. Some of you will know that I have coined a term or two on my blog in an effort to further diversify the English language and fill a perceived need for a certain type of person or place or something (ie. Trucktard as a term for guys who drive big trucks and feel as though they may drive any way they choose because their vehicle can handle it and not because there are y’know laws about that sort thing). Well, here’s the thing. I have identified another need for a moniker and yet am having a hard time coming up with something clever and concise enough to describe this phenomenon/person. So, I will describe the situation and leave it to you to come with a satisfactory title. I will select and winner and put it up next week.

I know you will understand the subjects of whom I speak because I am sure you will have seen it before. These people are subtle, they are sneaky, and they are totally annoying. My latest experience was at Starbucks. I was going to get a morning beverage with my wife, and everything was fine until she came along. A woman who is representative of the people I am talking about. By all accounts we arrived at around the same time. We were both heading for the door and then it happened. Her eyes dropped, and she SPED UP. Very subtly her pace quickened. If you held a gun to my head I would have to say that there is no doubt in my mind we would have gotten there a step or two ahead of her if her pace had stayed the same. The crazy thing is I would have held the door and let her go on in anyway! But no, she was too important and in too much of a hurry to take that risk. You know how I know this? This woman had a pen on a lanyard around her neck! She doesn’t have time for this pulling it out of her pocket nonsense, she needs to have instant access to her pen at any moment so that she can… umm… well write stuff I guess. So as it turns out she got there first and ordered her coffee first and the whole bit. I guess the thing that bothers me though is that you can tell through body language that it is intentional. The eyes drop, and suddenly the gravel on the pavement is of utmost importance (she will no doubt take notes with her lanyard pen) and she walks right past us as though we don’t exist. And she isn’t the only one, this happens regularly enough that this type of person/behaviour needs a name and I gotta tell ya I am stumped.
Before I leave it to you let me share with you the silliest occurance of this behavior. It doesn’t manifest exactly the same way but the result is the same. I am speaking about boarding an airplane. I promise you if you take a flight you will see this happen. The announcer will tell the people waiting that this is a preboarding announcement and that anyone who needs help boarding the plan blah blah blah and that real boarding will begin shortly. Slowly they rise as zombies from the grave and shuffle towards the gate, slow enough that they won’t draw attention to themselves, but fast enough that if they time it right they will hit the front of the line just as the announcement is made. More than once I have seen an overzealous individual mistime this and when they reach the gate they are turned away and inevitably claim they thought they heard the boarding announcement despite the fact that everyone is sitting there looking at them. Again there is an absence of eye contact, “Watch the floor, no one will know, you are almost there, that’s it, just a little farther.” * sigh * The kicker? The seats are assigned, and last I checked when you are sitting on a plane it does not fly each of us individually, thus making your shuffling line jumping somewhat fruitless…

So? How about it? What do we call these people?