Today I celebrate another year of life. I am thankful for the last 31 years and look forward to the next one, although I must say this is already shaping up to be one of the more reflective birthdays of my life.
A man died last night, and I was there at his bedside shortly beforehand. I read the scriptures to him, I prayed with him, I gave the benediction. He wasn’t conscious, hadn’t been all day. As 12 o’clock struck, and my birthday came I watched a man breathe.
His family was there. They were gathered around him and holding each other. His breathing was what I remember most about it though. Each breath seemed like it might be the last one, he was struggling and so there were these pauses between each one, just long enough for a person to wonder if that was the last one, or that one, or that one. There was a lot of peace about the way he went, he slept until he rested. He is in the Lord’s hands now, as he always has been.
I got to thinking last night about how incredible this life is, and how we get caught up in so much that just does not matter. Do I spend my time wisely? I guess that depends how you define it. I enjoy life, I really do. I guess I find it hard when I talk to folks who spend their lives frustrated, upset, anxious, worried, sad, lonely because I see it and I see these times of death and I see how little of all of that angst and being upset really matters in terms of God’s time. I see people worried because of financial problems, because their life has taken a sudden left turn and I look at myself and some of the things I get uptight over, like did I make this person mad, or does this friend still know I exist and I can’t make it matter when I am at the hospital waiting for a man who is waiting for God. I look at folks who are upset about worship for whatever reason, and wonder if they know that I care about them, that I care that they receive comfort, peace and forgiveness for when times like this arise in our lives. As that man lay in that bed I saw a sinner redeemed by God, who was about to receive those promises I always read about in the Word, the Word God has commissioned me to spread. His body was weak and failing, he could not speak or respond, he could only receive. I need to do that more while I still have a choice in the matter. So seldom am I still, so seldom am I at peace with my fate, so seldom do I stay silent long enough to receive and I believe that is true for far too many of us in this day and age that tells us to be terrified of death and yet to live in the moment because who knows about tomorrow.
I am not some high and mighty holier than thou, I too struggle with my faith, seeking God’s wisdom in tough situations. And it is in times like that He provides such clarity, that He shows me that this is all for real. I am a year older today, but what’s a year when you are looking at eternity. Sorry if it felt like I got preachy, I do that from time to time. :)
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